The Breakup Breakdown
by goodbye2pisces
Summary: Donna has some unfinished business to take care of before she can properly travel with the Doctor again.


It's because everyone else is with someone he thinks, as he looks up from his cooling teacup at the other diners in the cafe. They're so intent on their conversations that they don't even notice the strange grinding sound coming from outside, but Shaun does.

He frowns slightly, and peers through the window at the driving grey rain. A bus passes, raising a fine mist of murky droplets that hang in the air like an opaque sheet as it goes by. The grinding sound is momentarily lost in the rumble of its engine and has disappeared completely by the time it turns the corner.

He sighs, glancing at his watch. Donna had told him she'd meet him in the cafe at ten o'clock, but something about the tone in her voice had made him anxious and he'd arrived nearly an hour early. He had no doubt that she intended to finally give him an answer to the marriage proposal he'd given her the week before.

His palms had been slick with sweat and the butterflies in his stomach had felt more like flying saucers as he'd presented her with the only ring he could afford. Tiny inside the black velvet box, its little diamond chip was no bigger than a pebble, but it sparkled flawlessly all the same. He'd dropped to one knee, a hopeful smile on his face as he'd proudly presented it to her.

 _I have to think about it,_ she'd said.

It had been difficult to hide his disappointment. He'd known about the other blokes who'd tried to win her of course. A couple had even proposed according to her granddad, and promptly been turned down. Yet Shaun had arrogantly believed that emhis/em proposal would be immediately accepted. He'd been so blinded by love that he'd ignored her doubts, but he'd pushed his own aside as well.

"Shaun?"

With a start he looks up to find Donna stood over him, her copper hair subdued beneath the glowing fluorescent lights. She's wearing a pale green coat and holding a dripping pink umbrella in her hand. He'd been so lost in his own thoughts he hadn't even noticed her come in.

"Donna love!" he cries, springing from his chair with a scrape of wood against the tiled floor, "I was a million miles away."

He embraces her, breathing in her scent; lavender soap and _Lush_ shampoo. He's missed the feel of her in his arms, his own doubts all but forgotten in her intoxicating presence. Now that they're finally together again, he never wants to let her go.

Donna returns the hug a bit awkwardly, her smile wan as she avoids looking him directly in the eye. She turns her head just as his lips are about to brush hers, and the kiss he'd intended to give her lands on her cheek instead.

Shaun pulls away from her, holding her at arms length as he studies her face. She's been crying. Her eyes are glassy and red-rimmed, but there's something else in them as well, a look of focused determination he's never seen before.

"Something tells me I'm not going to like what you have to say," he says softly, his heart sinking.

Donna flashes him a guilty look, her brow knitting as she takes the seat across from him at the table. Numbly, Shaun stumbles back into the seat he vacated just a moment ago.

Donna slips her hand inside the pocket of her pale green coat and withdraws a small black velvet box. She places it on the table between them and wordlessly slides it towards him. Shaun swallows and licks his lips, his mouth suddenly dry.

"I can't marry you Shaun," she tells him softly, her eyes downcast, "I'm sorry, but you deserve someone who's going to love you as much as you love her."

"I see," Shaun says, nearly choking on his disappointment, "and that's not you."

It isn't a question.

"No," Donna says, looking nearly as miserable as he feels, "it's not. I can't...I can't lie to you Shaun," she says a bit hesitantly, "the truth is, there's someone else."

"What already?!" he exclaims more sharply than he'd intended.

"Not already," Donna admits sheepishly, "all along."

Shaun just stares at her.

"I'm not trying to hurt you Shaun," Donna tells him plaintively, her fingers curling around his paralysed hand.

"Oh really?" he snaps, snatching his hand away, humiliated by her pity.

"Please, I'm just trying to explain," she says with a heavy sigh. "What did my family tell you about my...accident?"

Shaun blinks. "Just that you'd had one," he says petulantly, "and that it had erased a portion of your short-term memory."

" _Erased_ is the right word," Donna says bitterly. Shaun doesn't bother to ask her why. "A year of my life was erased like it never happened," she says, "but there's more to it than just that, _I_ was erased too. The woman I'd become was lost. The woman I was meant to be."

"And now you've found her again yeah?" Shaun asks, though he already knows the answer. He's not sure he even recognises the woman sat across from him anymore. "That bloke you used to travel with came back and now you're the woman you're supposed to be and there's no room for me in your life."

"You know about him?" she asks, her expression flip-flopping between guilt and surprise.

"I know," Shaun says flatly, "your mum told me. She said he hurt you and that it would be dangerous for you to remember him." He shrugs, "I just figured he was some sort of stalker."

"Well, I'm sure my _mum_ sees him that way," Donna mutters sardonically.

"So your mum lied," he says tartly, "he _didn't_ hurt you?"

He can tell by the wounded look on her face that he's struck a nerve. Sudden guilt at causing her pain momentarily displaces his anger and he averts his eyes.

"It's complicated," she says softly.

"Right, but breaking up with me is easy," he says, his eyes glued to his cooling tea cup.

"You _know_ that isn't true," Donna says.

Shaun sighs. "Why is it that women always make excuses for the blokes who cause them pain?" he asks.

"It isn't like that," Donna insists.

"Isn't it?" he says. " _I_ would never hurt you Donna."

"He's a good man Shaun," she says, "he just, he made a mistake. He made a split-second decision that hurt me, but I've forgiven him. My mum doesn't agree with my decision to give him a second chance, but I'm betting you will."

 _Your mum wants you safe_ , he thinks, _and so do I_ , but he doesn't say it. "What makes you think so?" he asks instead.

"Because you're a good man too," Donna says simply.

Shaun frowns slightly. Of course she _would_ have to put it like that wouldn't she.

He lifts his head and looks into her eyes. Maybe Donna's mum is right. Maybe this bloke _is_ dangerous, but Shaun can't deny that he's never seen Donna looking so content. It's as if someone has set off a beacon of light inside her. Her luminous skin glows from within and her eyes sparkle with an intuitive intensity that takes his breath away.

"I always knew this day would come you know," he says, the words softly tumbling from his mouth before he even realises he's saying them, "I tried to ignore my doubts but deep down I always knew the day would come when you'd finally realise just how extraordinary you are and that I'm just...not."

He smiles then, despite being overwhelmed with intense sadness, because it's obvious to him that she belongs with the man who can make her feel as amazing as she looks at this moment. He just wishes it was him, that's all.

"Shaun-" Donna starts, her eyes filled with pity.

"So what does this bloke of yours _do_ anyway," he cuts her off, resigned.

"He helps people," Donna says after a moment.

"And you love him?"

"I..." she hesitates, "I'm not really sure how I feel. I never, I mean, I didn't...cheat on you Shaun. It wasn't like that. We were friends, that's all."

"But now that's changed."

"I don't know," she admits, "I only know that when we weren't together it felt like I was sleepwalking through life, and now that he's back I'm finally awake again."

"It's a start," Shaun says wistfully.

Clearly she loves him. Maybe her reluctance to admit it just proves it all the more considering she once confided in Shaun that she had a history of giving her heart away too easily.

"I will always care for you Shaun," she says, taking his hand, "I hope we can stay friends."

The rain is finally starting to let up. Shaun lets his eyes drift to the window to put off answering.

There's a tall skinny bloke standing across the street, his hands thrust deep inside the pockets of his long brown coat as he bounces impatiently on the balls of his feet. He's making an extremely bad job of hiding the fact that he's watching them.

Donna snorts in disgust as her gaze follows Shaun's out the window.

"What, is that him?" Shaun asks her.

"Yeah," Donna mutters, rolling her eyes, "subtle isn't he."

"Yeah well he's not exactly _James Bond,_ " Shaun agrees.

Donna glares at the skinny bloke through the glass and he drops his gaze, suddenly fascinated by a bit of chewing gum stuck to the pavement.

"Are you _sure_ he's not a stalker?" Shaun asks, his eyes narrowing skeptically, though honestly he doesn't appear dangerous, just a bit...odd.

"He's not a stalker," Donna says mildly, "just an idiot with the patience of a toddler. We've sort of been "negotiating terms" with my mum for the last few days and he doesn't do well when confined to one place for too long."

She says it almost fondly, her eyes sparkling with barely contained amusement as she eyes him through the glass.

"You really do love him don't you," Shaun says softly, watching her watching him.

Donna's gaze shifts to Shaun's face. "Yeah," she says softly, looking at once happier and more vulnerable than he's ever seen her, " _never_ tell him that."

Shaun smiles. "Your secret's safe with me," he says.

She smiles back. "I should probably go," she says, gripping her umbrella as she rises from her seat, "before he wears a track in the pavement."

She leans down and kisses Shaun's cheek before she leaves, murmuring some platitude into his ear about the right woman being out there waiting for him. He doesn't answer, smiling wanly as she heads for the door. She turns back for a moment to wave and he answers with one of his own. Then just like that she's gone.

The cafe seems a little colder after she leaves. Shaun shivers slightly as he watches Donna join the skinny bloke in the street through the window. He smiles a bit when he hears her scolding him, the way she does, but to his surprise the skinny bloke answers back in kind. The two of them exchange heated words for a moment, although judging by the barely contained grin tugging at the bloke's lips, it doesn't look like much of an argument to Shaun.

Donna's sudden laughter puts paint to it in any case. The skinny bloke's face lights with a cheshire grin as Donna throws her arms around his neck in a huge bear hug. Then she kisses him and Shaun looks away, feeling as if he's been stabbed through the heart. By the time he finds the nerve to look up again, it's just in time to see the two of them striding off hand in hand.

"Goodbye Donna," he whispers, as she disappears from view and slips from his life forever.

~END~


End file.
